How my life has journeyed to this current point of joy, I can only give Jesus credit, but I am beyond grateful for it. How blessed am I, to be serving a beautiful city for a Loving God, side by side with a man whose heart yearns to do the same?
As I thanked God for Loren, I asked Him to overwhelm me with His love for Loren. That Jesus' love would pour out of me and engulf Loren. I want to love Loren more than a human is capable of loving another human - I want the grace of Jesus Christ to be so evident in the way I speak to and about him, in the way I look at him, in the way I make his food and clean his laundry. I crave to build this man up and honor Him as Jesus asks me to.
Life has lightened so much! My worries have fled and my joy has escalated. Loren has taught me the way of relaxing, the way of resting in Jesus' peace, the way of walking in the assurance of grace. He has shown me that life does not have to be dreadful and heavy, that carrying around worries and insecurities is not our calling.
Who knew that tug-of-war with pillows was such fun? Or that it is okay if the dishes aren't done before bed? Who knew that people load the dish-washer differently and that the bowls will still get clean on the top rack? So what if we forgot to pay the power bill? I have been learning that these things don't need to carry the weight I was asking them to - that these THINGS don't matter and being with Loren and spending quiet time with Jesus are the things that change my life for the better.
Looking at life from his standpoint, the things that
used to threaten to agitate and worry me are silly. I realize that I have been being un-accepting in ways I was blind to - as in, his style of living. I was being un-accepting of someone so dear to me and that hit me right in the soul. Even if he never would tell me how my pride affected him, I know how I would feel if he were the one being un-accepting. I have learned that the more CONTROL I attempt to grasp in our life together, the more un-accepting and selfish I become. And I become unappreciative. Which means I am not appreciating the life God is trying to give me. If I just sit down, strip off the weight that slows me down, and look at this life I get to live....why are we so tense?!
Try it: Sit down without a book, a computer, or a phone. Think about your life without the blinders and distractions of the bills, the family-dysfunctions, or the storm that is threatening your soul. Think about the beautiful trees outside and the bicycle in your garage that you can ride. Think about how blessed you truly are. Think about the joy that Jesus is trying to give you. Now accept it. No "buts." Accept it with hands wide open and give thanks.
I am so excited to keep growing and learning how to help Loren become his future glory self. To learn from him how to relax and enjoy the life God is giving us. To embrace the blessing, letting God's love for me penetrate my entire existence.
"Jesus rose from the dead and the rest is rock and roll," has become Loren's new mantra. And I like that.
I am excited for the many days ahead that I get to share with this man.