We've also gotten the email, "The expectant mother has decided to parent her baby and is no longer making an adoption plan," a couple times [not in the form of a failed adoption, just in the form of presenting only to hear a no].
We have said "yes" to four agency and private adoption situations and been responded to with a "no." And continuously we do our best to breathe in and then breathe out, and trust that Jesus has our baby planned perfectly for the story He is writing, and we need not worry. But saying "yes" to a situation is much more than a verbal agreement or typing words into an email. Saying "yes" is allowing your heart to be at stake, open and vulnerable, loving strangers you have never met face to face.
You're not only saying "yes" to potentially parenting this baby or set of babies, but you're saying "yes" to all of the unknowns that you will never know; all of the baggage and tragedy that comes along with adoption. You may be saying "yes" to possibly staying in the NICU while you watch your baby be weaned off of cocaine or meth for weeks in a state across the country. You may be saying "yes" to risking transferring Hep C from mama to baby. You may be saying "yes" to an unknown father, or possibly a father with only a first name with no picture or history to share with your child when they are searching for the extremely large chunks of their identity. You could be saying "yes" to an unknown medical or substance history; to someone you can only trust Jesus with; to spending thousands of dollars you don't yet have, confident that He will provide when the time is right. You're saying "yes" to praying for this expectant mama for a long time, whether you realize it at first or not, because the truth is, once you hear of her once and fall in love...you won't be forgetting her anytime soon. Even if she responds with a "no." You're saying "yes" to cracking your hearts open even wider than they already were.
Hearing "no" isn't the end of the world. Or our adoption journey. Though when your hearts are so wrapped around a little baby growing inside of a precious woman you know such invasive details about and yet so little about, when you feel so confident that this is the one, it can feel that way. It can feel like the walls are crashing down and you feel betrayed by your heart and maybe even God, like why did she not feel the connection we so clearly did?
But hearing "no" to a situation also means that there is a "yes" out there for you. It may not be the next one or the next 5, or it very well may be. There is no way to be certain or clear unless you initially continue to say, "yes." You may be one "yes" away from your "yes" response, from your baby and birth family. Can you imagine if we quit saying "yes" one situation away from the one that was planned for us? What a loss. We would be choosing to decline the very life that we were going to be given the opportunity to love, raise, serve, be sleepless from. A "no" also means someone else was given a "yes" to parent and raise precious life.
So, though we were not chosen to parent those precious twins due in the next three months, we are trusting that our "yes" will be responded to with another "yes." We are trusting that whoever that expectant mama chose to parent her twins is exactly who it needed to be. And they will be very, very blessed to have their family grow by 4 feet. For that, I can rejoice.
This year has basically scraped me thin and then punched me in the gut. Loren too. We are growing soul tired for so many reasons.
And though we are soul tired, though we are weary and feeling thinner than thin [definitely not physically, bah! I wish.], adoption has forced me to lean into Jesus in a different way than anything else. During this time of complete unrest and chaos, we have been given this amazing opportunity to pray for birth families and babies. I read somewhere that when we say "yes" to being presented, we are on the front lines of the battle for that life. That when we say "yes," we tell an expectant mother that her life and her baby's life is valuable. Is worth it. Is worth us risking rejection once again. Worth us spending every last penny to our name plus some. We get to pray for people we do not know, and may never will, and it is quite possible we are some of the only people praying fighting prayers for these lives.
So we continue to wait and we continue to pray. And continue to say "yes" even at the risk of being rejected, again. Will you continue to support us on this journey? We certainly need a village.
If you have not yet sponsored/purchased a puzzle piece for your family members, we hope you will! CLICK HERE.
If you are in the Corvallis/Eugene/Portland area of Oregon, we are making and selling Christmas wreaths. 100% of the funds raised there goes directly into our fund. We are *almost* 1/3 of the way to our final adoption goal. It would be best if you're able to send us a check for the wreath in advance, but also understandable if you wait until the wreath/swag is in your hands!