"I just wanted to let you know that the expectant mother narrowed down her choices to two adoptive families, and you were not chosen." The email has now come countless times.
We've also gotten the email, "The expectant mother has decided to parent her baby and is no longer making an adoption plan," a couple times. This is not so much a failed adoption, but rather a parent choosing to to parent.
We have said "yes" to multiple agency and private adoption situations and been responded to with "nos."
I continuously do my best to breathe in and then breathe out, and trust that Jesus has the story He is writing, in the palm of His hand—we need not worry.
But saying "yes" to a situation is much more than a verbal agreement or typing words into an email. For me, saying "yes" is allowing my heart to be at stake, open and vulnerable, loving strangers I have never met face to face.
I'm not only saying "yes" to potentially parenting this baby or set of babies, but I'm saying "yes" to all of the unknowns I will never know; all of the baggage and tragedy accompanying adoption.
This may be a "yes" to staying in the NICU watching baby be weaned off of cocaine or meth for weeks in a state across the country. Or to risking the transfer of Hep C from mama to baby. Maybe an unknown father, or possibly a father with only a first name and no picture or history to share with your child. Our "yes" could be to an unknown medical or substance history; to someone I can only trust Jesus with.
Yes to spending thousands of dollars you don't yet have, on fees, confident He will provide when the time is right.
I'm committing to pray for this expectant mama for a long time, whether I realized it at first or not, because the truth is, once I hear of her once and fall in love...I won't be forgetting her anytime soon.
Even if she responds with a "no." I'm saying "yes" to cracking our hearts open even wider than they already were.
Hearing "no" isn't the end of the world. Or our adoption journey.
It can feel like the walls are crashing down; I often feel betrayed by my heart and maybe even God, like why did she not feel the connection we so clearly did?
But hearing "no" to a situation also means there is a "yes" out there for us. It may not be the next one or the next 5, or it very well may be.
There is no way to be certain or clear unless we continue to say, "yes."
Can you imagine if we quit saying "yes" one situation away from the one that was planned for us?
A "no" also means someone else was given a "yes" to parent and raise precious life. Whether that be the biological parents or another potential adoptive family.
So, though we were not chosen to parent those precious twins due in the next three months, we are trusting that our "yes" will be responded to with another "yes."
We are trusting that whoever that expectant mama chose to parent her twins is exactly who it needed to be. And they will be very, very blessed to have their family grow by 4 feet.
For that, I can rejoice.
This year has basically scraped me thin and then punched me in the gut. Loren too. We are growing soul tired for so many reasons.
And though we are soul tired, though we are weary and feeling thinner than thin [definitely not physically, bah! I wish.], adoption has forced me to lean into Jesus in a different way than anything else.
During this time of complete unrest and chaos, we have been given this amazing opportunity to pray for expectant families and babies.
We get to dig ourselves deeper into His word and presence, because the hunger is thick. I starve for Him. I thirst for Him. I need Him.
So we continue to wait and we continue to pray. And continue to say "yes" even at the risk of being rejected, again.
Will you continue to support us on this journey? We certainly need a village.
If you have not yet sponsored/purchased a puzzle piece for your family members, we hope you will! CLICK HERE.
If you are in the Corvallis/Eugene/Portland area of Oregon, we are making and selling Christmas wreaths. 100% of the funds raised there goes directly into our fund. We are *almost* 1/3 of the way to our final adoption goal. It would be best if you're able to send us a check for the wreath in advance, but also understandable if you wait until the wreath/swag is in your hands!