My earliest conceived dream that I can recall kneading itself into me was to be a writer.
When I was little and a part of a co-op school (we called it home schooling, but it was in someone else's garage with some other people so..) I would write pages and pages and pages of imagined stories. Books. I would write books, staple them together, sure someone would stumble upon it to publish it for the world to devour with their souls.
But of course, those sweet little books always ended up somewhere sad like the trash or burn pile.
I read so many books. I loved reading. I gobbled up the details of fictional stories, enmeshed my identity to fictional characters, imagined what it would be like to live in those pages myself.
I'm excited and nervous to announce that I'm officially writing a book.
There are all sorts of different voices saying to announce or not announce you're in the process, but one of the main reasons TO announce is to build your team of believers. So here I am. Hoping you'll believe.
Two years ago when we miscarried I started writing every single day. I purchased and worked through The Artist's Way. After months of processing and weeping over precious pages, I had thousands and thousands of words. I had a terribly-put-together clunky book.
That's not the book I'm writing, but there will certainly be pieces of those pages and emotions and process sprinkled through.
I am writing a book, though, now more than ever and it is scary. I am no one, you know? I am me, Natalie, but I am His and I am choosing to believe that the nagging on my heart that says to write is from Him. Which means He will do with it what He wants.
It is memoir-style with a thread of finding Him, uncovering His scandalous grace, weaving in and out of the little stories shared between its covers. Inside of this little book project I am hoping to reveal more of Him and the scandal of grace that He offers. It is scandalous, isn't it? I believe what will be shared on those pages, in this book, is important for us as human beings.
I am hoping to successfully share through small snippets of our story about grief [the layers and the gripping that it is] and loss and how it stops us up in our stories to question and search for Him. Or avoid Him and be angry Him. But the thing that I have found is that He remains faithful in and steady and gracious in the ugliest parts of us.
SO. This book. It is dear to my heart and feels sacred in a lot of ways. But also, in all honesty, I am just trying to hold my hands open in surrender and not hold tightly to expectations or numbers or whatever. I am going to work hard, finish it, put it out and into the world and then breathe. Because at the end of the day, I am doing what I feel I need to do: write about where I've found Him in the broken pieces of me. And because I am doing what I feel I need to do, my value won't be tied to book sales and reviews. Right?
Keep reminding me that, okay? Keep reminding me that I'm just me, Natalie, mama of two (by blood and by love), wife to Loren. Wrecked by scandalous grace. Love of coffee and adoption.
That's all for now. Later this week I hope to share a bit more of the logistics and how this came about officially, what the process is, and who I'm working with. Maybe I'll throw in an excerpt next week, I don't know. Maybe not. Probably not.
But for now what I need is to build Mt Team. My Team is all of the people who believe in me, sure, but really they believe in the story and words God is writing and I am called to tell. My Team is the people who subscribe to this space and receive fun promo codes and giveaways, yes, but also who think the words and heart here are important. So, if you're not a part of My Team, if you haven't subscribed, I hope you will now. You will always be the first [and sometimes only] to receive updates and bonuses and giveaways and promo codes. You are my launch team when the time comes!
Thank you for believing in me, for supporting this sacred space that is my blog, and for encouraging me to write! Without you, I wouldn't be staring this opportunity in the face and feeling insecure and nervous about all the things pertaining to life. (OKAY, a little dramatic, but FOR REAL).
Please share this if you feel so inclined :)