Marriage is Not a Business.

I spent the day with my niece. And I am tired! Don't get me wrong: I would go to the moon & back for this girl if I could. I love spending every moment I can with her. The dishes barely got done, there were "crafts" all over our home, and let's just say: I lost all hope of finishing my wife-chores.

I was forced to put down my list and expectations of my wife-self. The expectations of the clean home, the perfectly folded laundry, the meals cooked every night, the kitchen spotless, the floors vacuumed and swept...the perfectly made home with never ending to-do's of all sorts.

Though these things truly decrease the tension in my shoulders, if I spend all of my time cleaning and none of my time laughing with husband, it is all for nothing.

C.S Lewis says that "The homemaker had the ultimate career, that all other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career." In my small 22 year brain, I am learning that home-making isn't exactly the building/house/apartment part, but the family part. I am working against believing the lie that families and marriages are built on perfectly clean homes and spotless kitchens. I am praying to believe, every day, that our marriage and family and home making will be enveloped with Jesus. With memories together, laughter, adventures. I don't want my kids growing up, and Loren & I wrinkly, saying, "Man! Our home was sure tidy all these years! Too bad we never made memories."

Marriage is not a business {of chore-doing}.

If we Brenners don't make time to sit by the fire {putting our books and to-do's down}, so that we can talk and chat and dream and listen and laugh and cry...we will become roommates.

Chiminea

Patio Fire

Bon fire chats

Be set free. Marriage isn't built on a clean home. Marriage is a story of sacrificing for another and choosing to lead each other into glory. Every day, choosing to serve one other into being better, more like Jesus, even when painful and difficult. Marriage is built by: asking about and truly listening to the smallest of cares, caring about the details of the other's day, praying together & for each other, dreaming... Marriage is hard work; but intentional conversations and laid back fun and light hearted joy, not hard chore-busy-task-work.

Our block party was cancelled tonight. We ignored the comfortable and calling couch and the eye lids of exhaustion beckoning a night in: we pulled out our Date Jar. I put on heels, did my makeup. He threw on a button up shirt and dark jeans. We held hands, laughed, set our phones down, went on a date, and made a memory. We dreamed together, of what our future could look like. We talked about what we had each been learning this past week. We even got as vulnerable and risky to ask how we could change and improve ourselves as spouses; as followers of Jesus. And I am so glad. I have a few scriptures I am going to memorize in order to feed the Holy Spirit, to help me grow into a more beautiful human.

Red heels & pearls

Forget the pressure of the to-do lists.

Marriage is no business. Marriage is a friendship, a companionship, a story of an unending choice to sacrificially love, a place for the truest of intimacies and the {hopefully} safest place to dream. Go on dates. Put on heels. Wear make up. Hold hands. Kiss and keep on kissing.  Let it happen.

Me? I'm going to finish this night and make some brownies & watch Hercules {VHS edition} with my husband.