The privilege of being theirs is substantially more than I expected.
While wading through the weight of the wait, I knew I'd love being mama. I knew I'd love having little toes to count, cheeks to pinch, soft skin to smooch, and food splattered on the walls.
But boy was I in for a treat.
The depths of my love for these two only burrows deeper.
The immense joy as I watch them play and grow and develop only increases.
My heart continues to expand.
I am the furthest from bored of my children.
Their little budding personalities amaze me. To have a front row seat of their life unfolding is the coolest thing to me.
I'm tired. Sometimes my brain falls out of my head; maybe it doesn't actually, hard to say. Often I find myself far too impatient. I kind of wish I slept more [this is complicated at best]. Bed time alone on Tuesday nights is hard; it's like an actual thing in and of its own. There's never enough coffee. There are so many poopy diapers and poopsplosions....the other day Ira was rubbing my face so sweetly and I looked to see poop all over his hands. You know? It's not completely glamorous.
But dang is motherhood more of a gift than not.
"I love them both as if I birthed them both. But I also love them both as though I adopted them both. To me, the love is the same." -Natalie Brenner
Mother's Day, for many, is complicated at best. We are such a mess. As we approach Mother's Day 2017, my heart is so full. But it is also fractured. Motherhood is also complicated for many.
Some are grieving, some are lonely, some are holding their mama's hands as she lays still and motionless...waiting for her last breaths.
Some didn't choose motherhood. Some are waiting for motherhood. Some have children in other homes than their own, via foster care or adoption. Some watch their children from afar. Some are in jail. Some have lost their mama. Some have lost their children. Some have children who aren't legally theirs and yet their heart loves them as though they were. Some have broken relationships.
Some find motherhood the hardest thing they've ever experienced. Motherhood can be pain filled, motherhood can be distant or even uncertain. Motherhood is messy and manual-less. Many moms feel they are failing, they are in the trenches, motherhood feels never ending.
Every year as Mother's Day approaches, I think of so many of my dear friends who are in different spaces in regards to Mother's Day. The complicatedness of Mother's Day is not lost on me.
As I celebrate my sweetest Mother's Day yet, I do not forget about the many I know who are waiting, longing, or aching this Mother's Day.
This year is extra precious for me: I have my sweet miracle virtual twins, both in our home and arms. I have finally joined the world of motherhood and man is it more of a gift than anything else. To me.
There is and should be permission to share about the hard and messy parts of motherhood - that is necessary. But I'm learning there is also permission to celebrate the joy and beauty of their lives, our story, this sweetness that is motherhood.