Yesterday, the alarm went off at 6:11 am so I could shower & put on some mascara before surgery. Loren was so confused as to why I would need to "doll up" for surgery, and I explained that I was going to be feeling pretty yucky, ugly, and gross so the least I could do is have on some mascara. We arrived at the surgery center at 7 am, got all checked in & precious Loren was coffee-less as well as breakfastless. The sacrifices this man makes for me are countless.
They led us to my little stall of a room: you know those "rooms" that are made of curtains? I changed into the best hospital gown I've ever worn. I would say I've worn my fair share of hospital gowns, and this one was BOMB. It was purple & not made of thin cotton cloth with holes in all the wrong places. No. It was soft & purple and the best part was this: there was a hole that they plugged a heater pump into! Say whaaaatt. I know right? Wish I had Loren take a photo. It was danged sweet.
The next thing I know I am peeing in a cup to make sure I am not pregnant, which I am not.
They then begin strapping some sweet astronaut looking leg warmers to my calves! Hooked up to this machine. I have this weird blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden and so, lucky me! I got to have leg massagers leading up to, during, and after surgery! It was pretty sweet. I also got a shot of Heparin in my shoulder - which is a blood thinner. And man! Did I bruise.
To add to the already blessed morning, Loren was cracking all sorts of jokes. We started with just 1 nurse checking me in and soon enough had 4 or 5 just standing around laughing at my husband. What a champ he is, always bringing a light heart to situations.
The nurse who checked me in brought back child hood memories. Starting at the age of 6, I had my first of 7 surgeries (ears, adenoids, benign lumps, now this). I won't forget my first surgery: I was just a wee one, freezing in the thin, cold, cotton robe with holes in all the wrong places. As the nurse stuck my hand with my very first IV, I remember her calming me down and talking to me so kindly. She planted a seed in my heart: a seed of desire to be a nurse, to calm people down when they are most scared, to remind them it will be okay, to tell them they are safe. Yesterday, Nurse Ruth was awesome! She totally calmed any nerves that I had, she laughed and we joked about God knows what. I just remember how light hearted she made me feel. And I loved her. I should write her a thank you card. (have you ever had a mean nurse? I have. She was so mean).
The anesthesiologist was simply a gift. He was like Loren (but not as amazing): your above average goof ball, trying to make light anything that may be stressful. Lucky for me, I was already lighthearted so I fully enjoyed his presence.
After what seemed like 1700 hours but was really just two hours, I was finally being wheeled into the freezing op-room. As I scooted my bootum onto the work table, the awesome anesthesiologist pumped some morphine into me which knocked me out cold before he even put the sleep-meds in. Next thing I know, I'm back in the "curtain room" where I started, with Loren talking to Nurse Ruth about where my pharmacy is.
As I doze in and out of sleep, I am very aware that I need to use the restroom but had nothing near the capacity to do so. About an hour and a half later, Nurse Ruth comes back asking what I can eat. Not the soup, the crackers, the anything :( it all was gluten-enhanced. So you know what she did? She downright shared her personal apple with me. She even cut it up. What a Nurse! She deserves a purple star. So many blessings showering over me.
Loren is such a babe. He helped me get dressed then wheeled me out to the car. Somehow he magically already picked up all the meds & whatnots that I needed. We get home & he basically carries me inside. I can't tell you what a champion this man is. There are roses on the table.
I lay down & about 8 minutes later I hear a knock on the door. Loren brings in this beautiful bouquet of flowers in this darling little planter. He reads the card. Third word in I knew it was from Haley and started weeping. Maybe from the drugs? I was quite emotional. Either way, that mama is too good to me.
Basically I then slept for hours.
Then. Evening rolls around & I cannot tell you the work God begins doing in my heart. To be brutally honest, sometimes I have a hard time accepting Gods love. It's a hardened heart thing - a pride thing. Where I don't want to be imperfect & feeble. I don't want to constantly make mistakes. I don't want to be weak. I want to be perfect & worthy of Gods love. But I'm not. No one is. We need grace. And lately, it's been a hard season of humbling myself to remember that I am just not good enough. That Jesus loves me, not for anything I've ever done, but simply because I exist. Because He has created me and is still creating me.
Well last night he sure hounded that into my heart. Through my husband, through the nurses, through Jesse & Daniel, through Haley, through Heather, through Mike, through Kaitlyn & Jeff. Then today through my mom & Elmer & Ari & Mary. He showed me how much he loves me through their love. Through their provision of friendship and food. Of care. I was literally a pile of organs covered with stitches & skin and some clothes, doing nothing for any of them. Heck; I was probably annoying with my moaning & smelly odor. I can't even do the dishes or walk standing straight: I am pretty pathetic. And yet, they loved me. They cared for me. They prayed with me. It made no sense. Just like the love of the Father. It makes no sense but it's there & it's real & it's proven.
I cannot help but praise & thank our God for the church family and friends He has blessed me with. I am so grateful, so blessed, so honored to be a part of His work here.
Check out these beauties:
We are so loved, folks.
I am most reminded of that when I am completely weak, physically, and literally have to depend on others to survive. Thank you, Lord, for humbling & painful moments such as these.
PS. I had some Endometriosis removed! Yay for doctors and medicine.