October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. For the month of October, Natalie Brenner Writes will be hosting a few precious and ever so tender stories about families who have lost babies, whether through pregnancy loss or infant death. My heart and hope is to shed light on the reality, to let others know that they are not alone, and to also *hopefully* reveal some tips on ways to support someone who has lost their so loved and so wanted baby.
Meet my friend, Cimarron and her husband Mike.
She is your local Starbucks barista (if you live in Nampa, ID), wife, mama, and youth group leader. She is thoughtful and kind and a dear coffee friend. I hope you are as honored as I am to hear their story about the precious little one they lost, how their marriage was affected, and how they have walked through.
I remember every detail of that spring day like it was yesterday even though it happened over 4 years ago. I started the day by making scrambled eggs for my girls who were 2 and 1 at the time. The last couple days I had light spotting but that happened when I was pregnant with the girls so I didn't think anything of it. I had an appointment later the next week with my OBGYN but shortly after breakfast I realized my bleeding was getting worse. I also started experiencing cramps and realized I needed to see my OBGYN soon. My OBGYN got me in that very morning so I called Mike and had him come home from work to take me. I knew something wasn't right but I still didn't expect what was going to happen.
Not sure how long my OBGYN appointment would be I called my friend Canada and asked her to take my girls. She being the amazing friend she is told me to bring them over. We dropped the girls off at Canada's house and headed to my OBGYN. By the time we got to the OBGYN I was starting to bleed through my jeans. The nurse performed an ultrasound and had the OBGYN come in. We received news from the OBGYN we never had before. He told us I had a miscarriage. After two normal pregnancies I had a miscarriage.
The OBGYN prescribed a medication to help me through the rest of the process. We went across the street to Walmart and walked around while we were waiting for it to be filled. Mike kept telling me I should eat something because I had lost a lot of blood and it was now lunch time. I just told him I would eat when we got home. We were standing in the check out line and I started to feel light headed. Mike stayed in the line to check out and I walked over to the McDonalds in Walmart to get some lunch. As I was waiting in the McDonalds line I started to feel dizzy and even more light headed. Within minutes of being in the line I passed out and fell to the ground.
As I fell to the ground a friend from church walked into the McDonalds and was right there holding my hand when I woke up. She and another customer asked if I could make it to a bench and I said that I could do that. I was wrong though and once again passed out. Mike came in to see me surrounded by this friend from church and other customer. The paramedics showed up right after Mike and got me sitting in a bench. They took some vitals and said it would probably be a good idea for me to go the ER. Mike said absolutely take her and I was loaded in the ambulance. I remember I was loosing so much blood I had now bled through my jeans and onto the McDonalds seat.
At this point my dear friend Canada had been taken care of my girls for the entire morning and into the early afternoon. Mike called her to give her an update and she said I will take care of the girls as long as I need to. In the ER I was given fluids and food. They released me later that afternoon. I was no longer feeling dizzy or light headed.
We got to my friend Canada's house where her and her husband told me to just sit down and take it easy. They had taken care of them all day and given them lunch. Mike and I loaded up our girls and headed home. Both of us were still processing the news the OBGYN had given us earlier that day. Mike was dealing with the fear he experienced with me looking white as a ghost in that ER thinking he may lose his wife too.
It was getting close to dinner time and our girls were hungry but we were not feeling up to cooking. It was about an hour after we got home when the door bell rang. It was the very friend from church who helped me in McDonalds. She was bringing us pizza and salad so we didn't have to worry about dinner. We received text messages and comments on Facebook that night from so many friends and family offering their love, prayers and support.
That day was one of the worst days Mike and I have ever experienced together. I will be honest with you and tell you the next few months were the hardest in our marriage. The miscarriage was hard to process for both of us and exposed some things we needed to fix in our marriage. It was in the hard months and the day of my miscarriage we relied on our church family. Our biological family offered some support but it was our church family that saw us through.
They heard our struggles without judgement and offered Godly wisdom. Our church family encouraged us to keep fighting and prayed for us daily. They also encouraged us to seek God's Word. After some advice from our senior pastor I made the decision to go through a Celebrate Recovery 12 step class. It was life changing for me. I would not have made it through the class if I didn't have my brothers and sisters in Christ supporting me.
In March Mike and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary and our marriage is stronger than ever. I fully believe that as Christians we are meant to live life together and be completely real with one another. I share our story so you can see the blessing of having a church family. It is how I believe you make it through the happy and the hard times.