I am in sort of this blissful, joyful, surreal state of being.
There are literally a million and one things needing to be done. Like write three thousand thank you notes to the thousands of people who came together to help us bring home this little sweet bundle of flesh. I love him. We love him. We are so loving him. I have yet to scroll through each PayPal donation, recounting the people who gave sacrificially and generously and selflessly when Sage and us were in our hour of what felt like our most need. So, if you joined us in bringing home this baby Brenner whether through PayPal or a check or some other form, please know: we will be going through those and sending you a personal thanks. It just may take...a couple months.
Because who would stop staring at this face for hours on end? I cannot help but soak him in, stare at him, smooch him, tell him how dear and precious he is. Even in the wee hours of the morning when he is screaming [or peeing] in my face, letting me know that simply nothing will do, I love him. I knew I would.
We flew into Portland Tuesday night just before midnight. My mom, her husband, and my sister & her friend were there to greet us. Champs. We got home and our place had been touched by angels. When we had left on the 8th, our nursery was jam packed with storage things, awaiting to be stored in our 10x8 foot shed. Our friends & family had come in, put together our crib and the ridiculous shed (it was a doozy). Our nursery dresser was now fully equipped with a changing pad as well as newborn to 3 month clothes organized so beautifully. The closet had a huge box of clothes organized into 3 month, 3-6 month, and some 6-12 month. There was love every where. And our life was made incredibly easy for our homecoming. Not to mention the freezer full of breastmilk AND food for us. There arent words.
The washer and dryer have been going non-stop since we got home Wednesday morning. I believe we shut our eyes around 2:15 am on the 20th of January, so thankful to be in our own bed, so grateful to have little Sage with us, so grateful. Full hearts. Thankful hearts. Tired hearts.
I have this long list of things, like you know: working on FAFSA, the budget, Upwork Articles due, Sage's photo album, UPS & Other Mother Errands..just things for normal people on normal days with normal lives, because living. But all I want to do is stare at him while he sleeps all wrapped up close to my heart. Or stare at him while his eyes are open, making constant eye contact letting him know that I am his mama and I love him and he is safe and he is here.
Loren is off for his first shift back to work. He took the unit a bunch of candy as a "Im back!" gesture. He is loving his job and also looking forward to school this fall.
Sage has met his Grama Karen & Mister Mike, Auntie Hannah, Cousin/Auntie Angie, Uncle Tony & Auntie Em, Cousins Elsy and Avy. Ohhh how Elsy loves Sage. So deeply, so sweetly, so intensely. This boy is so cherished. His Tummy Mama and I email quite frequently and I pray for her ever so often. Oh what love, what selfless brave love she has for this little man. For her, we are forever grateful. For her, we will forever be in awe. Because of her, our life has been forever changed.
Thank you for all of your support, all of your friendship, all of your village-ness.
We have our adoption adult t shirts on sale until February 11. We cant wait to start seeing all of the photos pop up with the onesies and kids and adults wearing our Live Out Love shirts, hastagging that we brought home baby Brenner. Those will go straight into his album.
I need to print out some docs and get to work in between staring and smooching moments, but before life continued on into the abyss of beauty and sleeplessness, I wanted to be sure I put a little note on this dear space of mine that we: #BroughtHomeBabyBrenner.
Oh My sweet boy,
I pray you know how deeply loved you are; every fiber of your being and more. We will fail you as parents, many times I am sure. But we [you and us my dear] will be on a path so drenched in grace. Grace and mercy, compassion and forgiveness, redemption and beauty from ashes: the path of Jesus. We will keep going, one day at a time, looking for glimpses of Him in the mess and the chaos that is life. We will praise Him no matter the darkness that may threaten our joy, trusting that He has goodness and joy and beauty on the other side. Even amidst any darkness you may experience, dear boy, He will be there. With you. And in that Truth, may there be joy and peace, right there.
I love you dear one.